Going up the hill (or, the story of red)

Because it’s the start of another journey by tomorrow, I felt like writing about my journey thus far. I actually can’t believe I was able to go this far. Hindi ko alam kung matatawa ako or matutuwa (they’re two different things) na umabot ako ng 3rd year sa course na ‘to kahit na marami akong hindi alam. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA WOOOOOO

I’m very scared about this sem that lies ahead to the point that I honestly don’t know if I’m gonna make it out alive HAHAHAHAHAHAHA DI KO ALAM MEN but I guess before reality would actually kick in whether or not I’ll pass this sem, I can’t help but remember my ACET story. Ngayon na walang ACET, na-feel ko na mas naging memorable ‘yung ACET experience ko. Sorry. Haha.

Dalawang context bago ko siya i-kwento: One, ever since I was young, I really wanted to go to Ateneo, and in ME at that. I’ve been inspired by my uncle and my cousins who were really amazing people and they’ve made (and are constantly making) large-scale impacts to the world. I wanted to be like that. Throughout my journey to Ateneo, I’ve had a lot of close calls na muntik na ‘kong ‘di makapunta sa kung nasan ako ngayon. Kaya looking back nung day ng exam, I felt like it was such a blessing but at the same time a great challenge to have come thus far.

Second, swerte daw yung red sabi ng mga Chinese. Kaya bago magsimula yung entrance exams ng Big 4, binilhan ako ng tatay ko ng red na brief. Para daw pumasa ako. Ginamit ko siya sa apat na exams ko and pumasa naman ako. Hanggang ngayon ginagamit ko pa rin siya pag math exam (nilalabhan ko naman, issue kayo)

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I woke up at 4 am that day. Sunday siya. I was still living in Dapitan at that time (behind UST), so I had to wake up early to catch the train to Katipunan. My parents were in the province and my sisters have stuff to do, so I had to go to Ateneo by myself. I left our condo at around 4:30. It was still dark out, and I had to walk around 2 blocks going to the LRT station. I actually was surprised and thankful kasi di ako na holdup noon, because around a year later I was held up in the same place in broad daylight. But there I was, walking in the quiet street of Bambang, in my bag 2 pieces of snacks and around 500 pesos in my wallet. I was listening to Kendrick Lamar’s “Alright” on loop the whole duration of my two-train trip to Ateneo. It was my ACET hype song.

Alls my life I has to fight, n****

Alls my life I...

Hard times like, "Yah!"

Bad trips like, "Yah!"

Nazareth, I'm fucked up

Homie, you fucked up

But if God got us, then we gon' be alright

Walking inside Ateneo, it doesn’t feel like home yet. I’ve been passing by people with their parents, wearing branded clothes, holding a bunch of reviewers and meals, and I couldn’t help but feel a bit sad. Pero syempre andon na ko e. I should’ve been proud of myself because I came to the school by myself. That’s a win I guess hahaha

And so ACET started. We all have our stories on how hard the math is, how daunting abstract reasoning is, and how draining it is overall, but what I cannot forget was my essay question.

The question was something like (I forgot the verbatim): “Define superstition and how is it exemplified in our culture” or something. Being a person who lived in the province, I started to recount all those stories the old people in our town had, my parents’ stories, and the things I’ve seen so far. Pero ang bobo ko. I was actually, ACTUALLY wearing the grand-slam home run answer for that essay question. SUPERSTITION YUNG RED KO NA BRIEF.

I ended up making an essay na hanggang front page lang. Medyo badtrip pa ‘ko kasi ‘yung katabi ko sa exam nakita na harap lang ‘yung essay ko tapos sa kanya back-to-back tapos nag-smirk siya. Medyo nayabangan ako kasi dalawa pa ‘yung rosary na hawak niya habang sumasagot. Nasa Ateneo kaya siya ngayon usap lang tayo kasjhdkasdkad joke

Going back to the red underwear, I completely forgot about it. I didn’t realize it until I went back to the condo. I was talking to my dad.

Dad: O musta exam

Nok: Ok naman po haha Dad: Ano yung essay question?

Nok: Basta tungkol po sa pamahiin pati paniniwala ganon

Dad: O edi sabihin mo yung brief mo. Diba naniniwala tayong papasa ka diyan

Nok: …….. Oo nga no

Dad: Di mo nilagay yon? Naku, papasa ka kaya niyan

And yes, lahat nalang ng kamag anak ko kinwento ng tatay ko yon. That’s why the whole duration from post-exam until ACET results kinakabahan ako kasi akala ko babagsak ako. Hindi ko sinulat yung red brief ko e. Bad trip.

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But yeah long story short, January came, and I passed ME. And promise, hindi ako nag thank you sa brief ko. Hindi talaga. HAHAHAHAHAHA. And yun, the rest is history, and now I’m about to go to the most crucial semester.

I’d want to read this after this sem, whether I pass or not. I’ll read this after grad, or if I become a corporate sellout or I actually changed the world. I want to constantly remind myself that my journey was at turns difficult and funny. I woke up, walked to a dark street, took 2 trains, passed by 9 stations, and went up the hill. The journey’s reaching its peak and I know I’m about to go down real soon, but I won’t be going down the hill alone. I’m grateful. LET’S GOOOOOOO

09/08/20 (Let this year end pls)